2010 VS. 2020

Once upon a time, my blog used to be my everything. My one and only hobby was blogging. I'm actually talking about 10 years ago which was when I started this blog. I sort of fell out of touch with it these past 2 years. 

However, I have been reflecting on my life recently. I remember a time when blogging made me feel comfortable and happy. Hence, I've decided to revisit that happy place. So, here I am now. 

I'm not too sure if this makes sense to any of you but I feel like not much has happened in the past 10 years but at the same time, so many things have happened that changed me and shaped me into who I am today. 

Whilst reflecting and looking back on my life and the events that happened since 2010, I've come to realize 5 major things about myself and my life. To be really honest with you, even January 2020 seems like a distant memory - what more to say January 2010. But here we go.

2010 (I was about to start college)

1) I thought all the friends I had then will last forever. I've managed to build a small "fan-base". I had countless groups of friends. Whatever my friends told me seemed to have more power over what my family told me. I was obsessed with having many friends (just as a lot of teenagers out there, because the more friends you have, the more popular you are)

2) I was dating my brother's best friend, who is now happily married, actually. I used to think that dating was essential in life and that if I didn't have someone who adored me and loved me, I'm a complete and utter failure. 

3) I was helping mum out with business. I loved it when people would come up to us and asked us to choreograph some kind of dance performance. I would always pretend I was Britney Spears - singing and dancing. Secretly, I've always wanted to be in the entertainment industry. 

4) Music's everything to me. I would listen to new songs on MTV all the time. I would blast music while driving. In college, I had headphones on most of the time because I just can't be bothered with anyone. 

5) I had no idea what kind of future I would have. Everything was a blur. It was worse than a blur. I couldn't see anything. I felt scared most of the time because everyone around me seemed to have already planned what they wanted at what age and I was just a walking confusion, trying to exist and be someone my parents wanted me to be. 

Fast forward to this year. Obviously, besides the age factor, I certainly didn't see a pandemic happening.

2020 (embracing my late 20s)

1) My circle of friends have somehow shrunk immensely and I'm okay with that. I really do understand now when people say "You only need a few close friends in your life and you'll be fine." I've managed to keep in contact with a few people from high school and some close friends since 10 years ago. I've made a couple of new friends along the way who are just the most amazing people ever. And my family means almost everything to me now. 

2) I just got out of a turbulent relationship. I know now that sometimes, love alone is not enough. "I love you" can be said a thousand times in a day, but it's more of how someone makes you feel. I am happily single and I adore myself. In a way, I feel like I've gotten a tiny part of myself back.

3) Well, entertainment industry it is. Been on TV a few times, working in a radio station as a radio host, gone on stage to launch products, congratulated brides and grooms on their special days, speak on stage for a living. Wow. I sometimes can't even believe it myself. See, I am an MBA Finance graduate doing what I'm doing now. So, obviously, you don't always end up doing what you studied for in university and that is totally fine. 

4) Music is still everything to me. I just get to do it for a living now which is amazing. I still have headphones on most of the time. See, some things don't change. 

5) I can kind of see what I want for myself and I am working hard to achieve them. To be really honest, nobody really knows what the hell they are doing, me included. I'm still learning new things about myself everyday. But I've learned to live comfortably in my own skin. And even though my future is a blur, I don't feel scared anymore. I feel some form of excitement. Knowing the future would be boring because you already kind of know what to expect. So, I'm taking it as I go which is the amazing part.

Do you see what I mean by not much has happened but at the same time, I've grown into a different person?

Please take care and stay safe x

28 THINGS TO DO IN FEBRUARY

Happy February everyone! One month down, 11 more to go! But anyway, I hope January has been good to you. For me, so far so good.

February, as we all know, is the shortest month. So, if you have no idea what to do this month, how about trying some of these small, single tasks. In no particular order, here are 28 things I plan to do this month. 

1. Sit in your favourite cafe alone

2. Go for a nice walk

3. Visit a new cafe/restaurant 

4. If/when stuck in an elevator with someone, ask the person "how are you?"

5. Talk to a stranger (not in a creepy way)

6. Read a book 

7. Do a face mask 

8. Write down how you feel in a journal 

9. Learn a new dance/learn how to dance

10. No technologies for 24 hours

11. Eat a healthy bowl of salad 

12. Learn a new recipe 

13. Go to the cinema

14. Catch up with a friend

15. Cut down on sugar 

16. Create a new playlist

17. Make someone smile/laugh

18. Give genuine compliments 

19. Spring clean your closet 

20. Write a letter to your future self 

21. Wear something in your closet that you've never worn/hardly wear 

22. Call/talk to your family members

23. Try out a new snack 

24. Stretch 

25. Go cafe hopping with a friend

26. Pamper yourself 

27. Help someone in need

28. Visit/volunteer at an animal shelter 

28 days, let's get it. 

Goodbye 2018, Hello 2019

So, here it is. 2018 in a f*cking nutshell. 



This year, I questioned myself the most. Not because of quarter-life crisis (which, trust me, is a thing!) and not because I'm living in the snowflake generation (which, yes, is also a thing!). I know for a fact that everyone will go/have been through this phase where all you do is question everything about yourself - what you're doing, how you're feeling, why you're feeling the things you feel. It's an ongoing process.

Most times, I felt like a lost soul walking on the streets. I felt dead inside most days yet I'm not even sure how I managed to pull myself back up and put myself back together. But here's the fact, YOU JUST DO.

No matter how bad things are in life, nothing is ever as bad as it seems. You will always be stronger than you think. 

At the beginning of the year (2018), I wrote in my diary some of the things I'd like to achieve throughout the year. You could say it was a bit of a mixed bag when it came to determining my annual goals. And for the most part, I've achieved it. You see, this year I wanted to travel every single month. I don't know why I made that a priority but it was just something I really wanted to do at the beginning of the year. And so, I started planning and budgeting for this plan.

Of course, my other small goals were to prioritize my family and friends and my health which I can tick off my list. However, if you asked me if I've ticked off any "BIG LIFE MILESTONES", the answer is NO. HELL TO THE NO. One of my biggest resolutions this year is to publish my book, which I am far from doing.

Often, when I scroll through Instagram or social media, I wonder how much of it is true - the smiles, the posts. Don't get me wrong - social media platforms are great, I get inspired from looking through food and fitness posts, etc... It motivates me in a way. However, me - being a human being - I realized that I hit rock bottom back in September when I started comparing myself and my life to those of others. I don't think I've ever been in that position I was in in my entire 26 years of living.

It took me a whole month to crawl out of depression. And right now, honestly, I am proud of myself and proud to say I have survived this situation.

The amount of times I've ran to my parents and family members this year taught me one thing: Family is a tricky thing. Appreciate them when you still have them. 

The most difficult pill I had to swallow this year was learning how to pick myself back up and how to cope without the people whom I thought would be in my life for a long time. I had to realize that you have to do shit for yourself because the only person that will put you back on your two feet is you.


When people say life is a roller coaster, this year was definitely it for me. I started off strong in January and things fell apart in June. I got back up in July only to fall into a deeper hole in September. Now finally, I've learned to accept this term. Life is a goddamn f*cking roller coaster and it can be amazing. It all comes down to you and how you choose to see your battles and obstacles.


For 2019, I'm not going to make any major resolutions because f*ck that shit. I'm going to go with whatever flow there is and not take life too seriously. In all honesty, it's also because I haven't thought of any resolutions yet :P

May all of us have a good year ahead! We're all strong people. We can go through anything. 
Happy New Year x

Habits That Steal Your Happiness: Comparisons

I was brought up in a very comparative family. In primary school, I would always be top 3 in class. I was instructed to wow crowds when performing my piano recitals. And the saddest bit, I was reminded that I'm not skinny and pretty enough, every single day, when I was growing up.

Over the years, I did understand how it is beneficial to have a bit of healthy competition. But only as of late, I understood that there is a huge difference between comparing and competing. When you compete for something, you're expecting something at the end - a trophy, a medal, money, etc. - to win or to lose. When you compare, you're putting things in your own head because there's nothing at the end of the road.

As we mature, it's natural that we compare ourselves to others. "Oh, he's got a bigger house." "My goodness, she's owns 5 cars." "Wow. Look at her diamond ring!" "She's got an amazing body." "He looks younger each day. Wonder what's his trick." And most of those sentences end up like this "Why can't I be more like him/her?" And that's when you're screwed.

See, this year, a lot of my friends are evolving in their careers, moving to a different country/city, engaged, married, having kids, the whole nine yards, basically. And here I am, having a glass of wine, thinking of what I'm going to make for dinner tonight.

However, over the weekend, I was out with one of my best friends. We basically met when we were 5 and have been friends ever since. Of course, there were fights and arguments along the years (no friendship is perfect) but look where we are now. 

So, I was telling her about how stagnant I feel in life right now. How most of my friends are either starting their own family or evolving in some ways in their careers. See, I've got tonnes of friends, but they're all scattered across the globe. Friends in the U.K are buying houses, being aunts and uncles; friends in India are CEOs of a huge ass company; friends here who are moving away, travelling around the world, being kick ass entrepreneurs.

At this point, I was already comparing myself with the people around me. Don't get me wrong, I'm super proud and happy of where all my friends are right now in their lives, but I somehow feel like I'm going nowhere. And this feeling has been dragging since the beginning of the year.

After talking (or shall I say complaining. Sorry for her ears, bless her) for almost an hour, she said something to me, which I'll probably remember for a very long time.

"This is not the Els I know. And you've been comparing yourself so much to other people for such a long time. You don't even realize how much you've done. Instead of appreciating every single step you've achieved, you've compared yourself to people who are achieving big things. Why?" 


I'm glad she said all those things I didn't want to hear/was not willing to hear, because today, I feel so much better. I mean, I will never truly know who the real Els is, but even though I don't really know who I am, I do know who I want to be in the future.

So here's my little thought for you:

Don't listen when the world tells you that you're "too old" to try something new, or that it's "too late" for you to do something incredible with your life or even make a small change. Regardless of where you find yourself at the moment, remember that there are still so many beautiful moments ahead.

Comparisons add no value to your life. Instead, when you see someone doing something you've always dreamed of, or achieving goals similar to yours, think of it as a proof. Proof, that it can be done. Let that inspire you instead of discourage you!

Things (I Want) to do in August

Hello August!

I don't think I've ever been happier for a month to end. July was absolutely horrendous - to both my mental and physical health. In fact, I've only just recovered from my sickness 2 days ago. But you know how I've always wanted to be a morning person, right? Well, I think I'm slowly getting there by waking up at 4 am every morning to go to work. I'm slowly adapting to this new routine of mine. 

But as bad as my month was, I managed to cross out everything from my July list. Surprising huh? 

Here are some things I'm looking forward to this month:

1. Exercise more 

2. Film more YouTube videos

3. Detox every once in a while 

4. Focus on my goals (it is August, after all) 

5. Expand my work profile 

I need to get my mental health game back on track. Slowly but surely. What are your goals for this month? Let me know in the comments 

x

Things (I Want) to do in July

6 more months till Christmas. Oh damn, it's a little too early to say the C word (lol!)

Welcome to the 2nd half of 2018, my dear friends. 


June has been a rather challenging month for me. Nevertheless, I'm grateful for all the lessons I've learned.

So, here's to a more productive 2nd half of the year.

1. Be more creative 

I'm being exposed to more and more things that require creative thinking and I'm very happy about it. I get to share my creativity with people and I also need to be as creative as I can.


2. Be a morning person

Now that I am forced to wake up at 4:30a.m every morning due to work schedule, I need to actually train myself to be a morning, hopefully sooner rather than later.


3. Go on a road trip 

I seriously need to go on road trip!

4. Write more

In terms of blogging as well as writing a short story.


5. Learn to be more grateful

So many things have been happening and I feel like I haven't had the time to be grateful about all the blessings I've received. So, I need to slow down and be grateful more often.

What are your goals for the month? Let me know in the comments 

x

10 Highlights for the 2nd Quarter of 2018

We are finally at the half year mark, my friends. Saying hello to the 2nd half of the year and goodbye to April, May and June. 



Just like my first quarter of 2018 highlights post, here are 10 of my highlights for the 2nd quarter of the year:


1. Traveled and explored a lot more, which I intend to keep doing

2. Manage to meet up with my family and loved ones 

3. Manage to expand my social network as well as make more new friends


4. Met and interviewed singer-songwriter Zee Avi twice

5. Manage to be in the papers, again. This time, a full page :)

6. Manage to get a "promotion" at work. Proud to say as of 2nd of July, which is tomorrow, I'll be doing The Morning Show 


7. Started exercising and being active after such a long time


8. Learned to control my coffee intake and cut down on it 

9. Finally understood the meaning of self-love and pulled myself out of a rut (blogpost on that up soon) 


10. Explored and tried so many different things

The 2nd quarter of the year has been a rather challenging one but I've learned a lot from it. Here's to the 3rd quarter of 2018. Cheers 

x 

Things (I Want) To Do in May

Here's a little summary of my April: I got to tick off ALL 5 things from my list. 





April honestly went by too quickly. Family and loved ones were definitely my priority.

But I have to say, last month was brutal on me. I went through a series of roller coaster rides for 30 days (not even exaggerating). One of my best friends resigned and I felt like I've lost someone in my workplace. Another one of my good friends just decided that he didn't want to be friends with me anymore, which made me feel confused.

On the other hand, my family and friends kept me sane and intact. Of course, there's also family drama which is completely normal. I just forgotten what it was like to be in that drama so I had to adapt to it in a span of 2 weeks. Family drama - not fun.

I also got judged for my life choices and people who I'm friends with by someone who means a lot to me, which kinda sucked because I thought I'm all set with all the friends I have right now.

My emotions and my whole life went to a downward spiral during the final week of April. I've just been through so much and I didn't know how/have the time to pick myself back up again. It was a difficult time for me because I just felt like I've lost so much.

Long story short


As of this very moment, I'm still in the midst of picking myself back up again. But I know I'm definitely going to be better this month. I've sat down quietly for quite some time to think about what I'd like to do/achieve in May. And here it is.




1) Start working out

I've been putting this off for the longest time. Giving myself excuses like I'm too busy or I'm too tired (which is quite normal, if you asked me). But I've signed myself up for yoga classes again. I need more zen and chi in my life. And it's starting this month.




2) Creating a new routine 

Again, for a long time, I've forgotten what it's like to put myself first and how I want my day to pan out. I've always been following other people's routines and plans and I felt comfortable. But I'm stepping out of that zone this month and making way for my own new routine.




3) Catch up with more people 

I don't like using the term "following up" because I'm in it for the friendship and "following up" just sounds like a business deal to me. But this month, I am going to attend more of my friends' events and just catching up with all my new friends (a.k.a new people I've met for the past 2 months).

4) Be consistent 

Another thing I will start doing more this month is being consistent - with my book, my blog, my videos, everything. No more excuses.




5) Focus

I've made a list of things I would like to focus on this month and let me just tell you, May is going to be all about self-love and self-care. Hopefully, you'll try it too.

One more month until we enter the half year mark, my friends. What are some of your goals for this month? Let me know in the comments :) 

x 

10 FAVOURITE HOLIDAY PICTURES

"A picture is worth a thousand words"

Something I've only come to realize in my early twenties. Because that was when I actually found my passion for writing and art. 

Recently, I took a little vacay to Langkawi and Koh Lipe. Here are 10 of my favourite pictures.

-FOOD-

-SCENERIES-

-RANDOM FAVS-

Comment down below which is your favourite pic :) x