Habits That Steal Your Happiness: Comparisons

I was brought up in a very comparative family. In primary school, I would always be top 3 in class. I was instructed to wow crowds when performing my piano recitals. And the saddest bit, I was reminded that I'm not skinny and pretty enough, every single day, when I was growing up.

Over the years, I did understand how it is beneficial to have a bit of healthy competition. But only as of late, I understood that there is a huge difference between comparing and competing. When you compete for something, you're expecting something at the end - a trophy, a medal, money, etc. - to win or to lose. When you compare, you're putting things in your own head because there's nothing at the end of the road.

As we mature, it's natural that we compare ourselves to others. "Oh, he's got a bigger house." "My goodness, she's owns 5 cars." "Wow. Look at her diamond ring!" "She's got an amazing body." "He looks younger each day. Wonder what's his trick." And most of those sentences end up like this "Why can't I be more like him/her?" And that's when you're screwed.

See, this year, a lot of my friends are evolving in their careers, moving to a different country/city, engaged, married, having kids, the whole nine yards, basically. And here I am, having a glass of wine, thinking of what I'm going to make for dinner tonight.

However, over the weekend, I was out with one of my best friends. We basically met when we were 5 and have been friends ever since. Of course, there were fights and arguments along the years (no friendship is perfect) but look where we are now. 

So, I was telling her about how stagnant I feel in life right now. How most of my friends are either starting their own family or evolving in some ways in their careers. See, I've got tonnes of friends, but they're all scattered across the globe. Friends in the U.K are buying houses, being aunts and uncles; friends in India are CEOs of a huge ass company; friends here who are moving away, travelling around the world, being kick ass entrepreneurs.

At this point, I was already comparing myself with the people around me. Don't get me wrong, I'm super proud and happy of where all my friends are right now in their lives, but I somehow feel like I'm going nowhere. And this feeling has been dragging since the beginning of the year.

After talking (or shall I say complaining. Sorry for her ears, bless her) for almost an hour, she said something to me, which I'll probably remember for a very long time.

"This is not the Els I know. And you've been comparing yourself so much to other people for such a long time. You don't even realize how much you've done. Instead of appreciating every single step you've achieved, you've compared yourself to people who are achieving big things. Why?" 


I'm glad she said all those things I didn't want to hear/was not willing to hear, because today, I feel so much better. I mean, I will never truly know who the real Els is, but even though I don't really know who I am, I do know who I want to be in the future.

So here's my little thought for you:

Don't listen when the world tells you that you're "too old" to try something new, or that it's "too late" for you to do something incredible with your life or even make a small change. Regardless of where you find yourself at the moment, remember that there are still so many beautiful moments ahead.

Comparisons add no value to your life. Instead, when you see someone doing something you've always dreamed of, or achieving goals similar to yours, think of it as a proof. Proof, that it can be done. Let that inspire you instead of discourage you!