2010 VS. 2020

Once upon a time, my blog used to be my everything. My one and only hobby was blogging. I'm actually talking about 10 years ago which was when I started this blog. I sort of fell out of touch with it these past 2 years. 

However, I have been reflecting on my life recently. I remember a time when blogging made me feel comfortable and happy. Hence, I've decided to revisit that happy place. So, here I am now. 

I'm not too sure if this makes sense to any of you but I feel like not much has happened in the past 10 years but at the same time, so many things have happened that changed me and shaped me into who I am today. 

Whilst reflecting and looking back on my life and the events that happened since 2010, I've come to realize 5 major things about myself and my life. To be really honest with you, even January 2020 seems like a distant memory - what more to say January 2010. But here we go.

2010 (I was about to start college)

1) I thought all the friends I had then will last forever. I've managed to build a small "fan-base". I had countless groups of friends. Whatever my friends told me seemed to have more power over what my family told me. I was obsessed with having many friends (just as a lot of teenagers out there, because the more friends you have, the more popular you are)

2) I was dating my brother's best friend, who is now happily married, actually. I used to think that dating was essential in life and that if I didn't have someone who adored me and loved me, I'm a complete and utter failure. 

3) I was helping mum out with business. I loved it when people would come up to us and asked us to choreograph some kind of dance performance. I would always pretend I was Britney Spears - singing and dancing. Secretly, I've always wanted to be in the entertainment industry. 

4) Music's everything to me. I would listen to new songs on MTV all the time. I would blast music while driving. In college, I had headphones on most of the time because I just can't be bothered with anyone. 

5) I had no idea what kind of future I would have. Everything was a blur. It was worse than a blur. I couldn't see anything. I felt scared most of the time because everyone around me seemed to have already planned what they wanted at what age and I was just a walking confusion, trying to exist and be someone my parents wanted me to be. 

Fast forward to this year. Obviously, besides the age factor, I certainly didn't see a pandemic happening.

2020 (embracing my late 20s)

1) My circle of friends have somehow shrunk immensely and I'm okay with that. I really do understand now when people say "You only need a few close friends in your life and you'll be fine." I've managed to keep in contact with a few people from high school and some close friends since 10 years ago. I've made a couple of new friends along the way who are just the most amazing people ever. And my family means almost everything to me now. 

2) I just got out of a turbulent relationship. I know now that sometimes, love alone is not enough. "I love you" can be said a thousand times in a day, but it's more of how someone makes you feel. I am happily single and I adore myself. In a way, I feel like I've gotten a tiny part of myself back.

3) Well, entertainment industry it is. Been on TV a few times, working in a radio station as a radio host, gone on stage to launch products, congratulated brides and grooms on their special days, speak on stage for a living. Wow. I sometimes can't even believe it myself. See, I am an MBA Finance graduate doing what I'm doing now. So, obviously, you don't always end up doing what you studied for in university and that is totally fine. 

4) Music is still everything to me. I just get to do it for a living now which is amazing. I still have headphones on most of the time. See, some things don't change. 

5) I can kind of see what I want for myself and I am working hard to achieve them. To be really honest, nobody really knows what the hell they are doing, me included. I'm still learning new things about myself everyday. But I've learned to live comfortably in my own skin. And even though my future is a blur, I don't feel scared anymore. I feel some form of excitement. Knowing the future would be boring because you already kind of know what to expect. So, I'm taking it as I go which is the amazing part.

Do you see what I mean by not much has happened but at the same time, I've grown into a different person?

Please take care and stay safe x

2018 vs 2008

A couple of days ago, I was reminded that I'm going to be a year older this coming Sunday. You see, as I mature, parties, cakes and candles are not really my priorities anymore. When I was 17, I needed to have at least 2 birthday parties - one with close friends and one with my family, but now, a simple birthday greeting from people is really enough. Of course, a nice and easy birthday meal would be great but definitely not necessary. You get what I mean, right?

So, 10 years have passed. What has happened throughout the years? 

See, here's the thing about being human - we often choose to remember the great and wonderful memories, whereas the dark and scary ones are often left behind. We remember them but we just choose not to talk about it. 

To say that nothing much has changed within these 10 years is somewhat true yet untrue. I know. It probably makes no sense, but hear me out. 

I am the same in terms of my stamina. In fact, I think my stamina has gotten better over the years. My appearance remains unchanged - some people even think I look better now compared to 5 years ago. I wish I was "the curious case of Benjamin Button" where I get younger every year. But to be honest, I do not care much about how "young" I look because age is just a number. You're capable of anything and everything, so don't ever let age be a factor as to why you cannot do the things you want to. Overall, I haven't changed much outside. 

But inside, I've grown so much.

My thinking have changed so much even from last year. Sometimes, I feel like I'm a whole different person from 10 years ago. I feel like I look the same but someone else has taken over this body and mind. There are of course, some things I'd wish I'd tell my younger self, some things I'd wish I'd never done/thought, things I'd wish I'd done differently. 

A couple of weeks ago, I was given a very useful piece of advice. One that I would carry until my last breath.

"The only person you should be comparing yourself to is the you 10 years ago"

Hence, this post. 

10 years have passed. So many things have happened. 

- I've graduated from university with a masters degree - something I never ever thought would happen. My dreams 10 years ago are somewhat different. I thought I would marry and settle down at 25. I thought I would have my own house by 26. I never thought I would spend 5 years abroad - best 5 years of my carefree life. I will never forget that part of my life - the friends, the experience, the culture. 

-When I was 20, I thought I was an adult and that I know almost everything. Today, at 27, I can safely say that I'm still learning the process of being an adult. I'm learning every single day. How I think and how I do things have definitely changed. I like how I am now but of course, like everyone and anyone else, I would like to be better for my future self. 

- However, my dreams and I are somewhat same from 10 years ago in a sense that I've always wanted to entertain people. Even if that means making myself look stupid to make people laugh or smile. When I was younger, I've always wanted to be an actress. I think that dream started when I was in primary school when Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone came out. A little later on, I wanted to be a writer after reading more books. I was/am always fascinated by writings and words because no two people will ever imagine things exactly the same way when it comes to books. 

Here I am, 10 years later. 

A radio announcer, a part time writer, a part time entertainer (if that's what you want to call it)

I wouldn't say I was born into this path but it's always something I've wanted since I could think for myself. To think what, who and where I'll be in the next 10 years is scary. So all I can do now is ask 17-year-old me how I feel. Here it is:

1) I'm proud of who and what you've become. You are still stubborn at times but at least you listen to people now and you don't think you're all that. I'm happy you've found joy in listening to people's stories even if it's fabricated. 

2) I'm proud of how brave you've become. You've always hated presentations and you were always shy when it comes to talking in front of crowds but look where you are now! I know you will be braver in the future but you've done well. 

3) I'm happy that you still keep your values and stand up for what you believe in. I'm happy that you're in a good place with your family. I'm happy that you're not the type of person who would abandon your family just because you need to hustle and make money. I know you've tried your hardest, so well done. 

4) I'm proud of you for overcoming your fear of being lonely. You've been through a lot these 10 years - starting your life from scratch twice, especially these 2 years. You didn't have any friends to rely on but you fought and you're still fighting for yourself. It's OK to ask for help sometimes but I can't believe you've dealt with your pain and sufferings alone. For that, you need to give yourself a pat on the back. 

5) I'm glad that you still keep the child-like side of you alive. Please always keep that up. 

You've grown. I know you'll always try to be better and try your hardest to help people, so I'll see you in 2028. Make me proud! :) x