This year, I questioned myself the most. Not because of quarter-life crisis (which, trust me, is a thing!) and not because I'm living in the snowflake generation (which, yes, is also a thing!). I know for a fact that everyone will go/have been through this phase where all you do is question everything about yourself - what you're doing, how you're feeling, why you're feeling the things you feel. It's an ongoing process.
Most times, I felt like a lost soul walking on the streets. I felt dead inside most days yet I'm not even sure how I managed to pull myself back up and put myself back together. But here's the fact, YOU JUST DO.
No matter how bad things are in life, nothing is ever as bad as it seems. You will always be stronger than you think.
At the beginning of the year (2018), I wrote in my diary some of the things I'd like to achieve throughout the year. You could say it was a bit of a mixed bag when it came to determining my annual goals. And for the most part, I've achieved it. You see, this year I wanted to travel every single month. I don't know why I made that a priority but it was just something I really wanted to do at the beginning of the year. And so, I started planning and budgeting for this plan.
Of course, my other small goals were to prioritize my family and friends and my health which I can tick off my list. However, if you asked me if I've ticked off any "BIG LIFE MILESTONES", the answer is NO. HELL TO THE NO. One of my biggest resolutions this year is to publish my book, which I am far from doing.
Often, when I scroll through Instagram or social media, I wonder how much of it is true - the smiles, the posts. Don't get me wrong - social media platforms are great, I get inspired from looking through food and fitness posts, etc... It motivates me in a way. However, me - being a human being - I realized that I hit rock bottom back in September when I started comparing myself and my life to those of others. I don't think I've ever been in that position I was in in my entire 26 years of living.
It took me a whole month to crawl out of depression. And right now, honestly, I am proud of myself and proud to say I have survived this situation.
The amount of times I've ran to my parents and family members this year taught me one thing: Family is a tricky thing. Appreciate them when you still have them.
The most difficult pill I had to swallow this year was learning how to pick myself back up and how to cope without the people whom I thought would be in my life for a long time. I had to realize that you have to do shit for yourself because the only person that will put you back on your two feet is you.
When people say life is a roller coaster, this year was definitely it for me. I started off strong in January and things fell apart in June. I got back up in July only to fall into a deeper hole in September. Now finally, I've learned to accept this term. Life is a goddamn f*cking roller coaster and it can be amazing. It all comes down to you and how you choose to see your battles and obstacles.
For 2019, I'm not going to make any major resolutions because f*ck that shit. I'm going to go with whatever flow there is and not take life too seriously. In all honesty, it's also because I haven't thought of any resolutions yet :P
May all of us have a good year ahead! We're all strong people. We can go through anything.
Happy New Year x
Happy New Year x
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