The Truth About My Life Now

Whenever I post something close to my heart, people seem to enjoy it more. So I've decided to write this post today.

Lately, my life has been rather confusing and hectic. I'm at the age where I can't quite figure myself out yet but I'm kind of getting there. I'm at a place where I'm fighting for myself every.single.day. 

I try to act tough everyday because I know I'm strong, but deep down, I'm vulnerable too. The truth is, when you've been strong for too long, you need a break from it. And that's where I am right now. I fight and I fight and I tell myself I can do it. But at the end of the day, my brain, my body, my soul - me - every single part of me is so tired. 

Tired from pretending. Tired from hurting. Tired from thinking. Tired from running away. 

This week has been one of the busiest weeks I've had so far. I've actually forgotten what it feels like to lose track of time. When I realized that today is Friday, my brain just could not fathom it at all. And today was just one of those days where everything just went South. I'm not going to lie, this month, I've had loads of days like that. 

People always see the happy side of me, the smiley side of me, the laughing side of me. That's because I choose to show that side of me. 

The truth is, I need a shoulder to cry on. 

I don't have many friends. I mean, I know lots of people but I can only call a few of them my friends. And all my friends who hold part of my heart are not here with me, which makes it that much more frustrating. 

It suffocates me.

I can't count how many times I've had difficulty breathing just because I need someone to talk to. Someone I can trust. Not someone who'll feed on my sorrow and then use it against me later. 

One thing you should know about me is that I've been betrayed so many times it's not even funny anymore. I find it hard to trust people. I'm open-minded and I'm good at meeting new people, don't get me wrong, and I can talk about almost anything to anyone. From past experiences to dirty jokes. 

However, I find it difficult to talk to people about my problems and share my feelings. That's why I turn to 2 of my best friends whenever I'm having a serious mental breakdown. And the fact that 2 of them are not here with me is just one of the saddest things ever. 

Today, one of my best friends texted me with encouraging and supportive words at the correct time. Like I said, today was one of those days where I'm just not feeling it. I got her text and I suddenly realized that I am a lot stronger than I used to be. I don't need other people to validate me because the truth is, I AM ALREADY DOING MY VERY BEST. 

And as long as I can see that, other people can too. And if they choose not to see it, it's absolutely not my problem. 

So, today, I want to thank absolutely everyone - whether you're my friend or not - who supports me in what I do, who supports my life, who makes me laugh and smile everyday. Thank you so so much. 

I don't take any single one of you for granted. 

:) 

My Life... 6 Months Ago

When you're a blogger or a writer, sometimes you'll have moments when an idea hits you hard on the head like a brick. Today was one of those days for me. I feel like I haven't been personal with you guys lately. So today, I take this opportunity to share with you what my life looked like in the past 6 months.


*I am writing this to share my experience and not to get sympathy or anything from what I had to go through for the past couple of months. I just feel like today is the day I get a little personal. After all, my blog is my baby and I've been wanting to get personal for quite some time now. So, if this is your thing, you can keep on reading. Otherwise, I'm sorry*

September 2016 - The worst month of my life (for as long as I can remember)

• I went for an audition and interview for a job and I wasn't sure if I would get it 
• I was waiting (4 months, to be exact) for my phD application to go through
• Ended a turbulent and rocky long distance relationship
• Was jobless, hopeless, going out for drinks almost every night (thank you Eunice for always being there for me. Sorry you had to see me cry and hyperventilate. Much appreciated. I love you)
• Was crying almost every night because I felt lost as fuck

October 2016 - The toughest month of my life (I've had a fair share of tough months and this was one of them)

• Still jobless and clueless on what my path looks like. Was just hoping everyday to get a reply so I can start my life in a new place
• Had an interview with my phD professors only to find out that they rejected my application and proposal which I prepared so hard for
• Still drinking almost every night to calm myself. As much as I didn't want to worry my parents, I couldn't help myself. Crying every night didn't help much
• Highly intoxicated and started my day at 1 pm everyday
• Started giving up on life and everything in it

November 2016 - What was supposed to be my favourite month turned out to be the most confusing month

• Spent a brief moment in the UK
• After flying alone for 18 hours, I wasn't even sure if I wanted to live anymore. I had lost all hope. I was in complete darkness
• After the "brief" moment in the UK, I came back to Malaysia and 12 hours later, I received a call saying I've got the job which I interviewed and auditioned for back in August
• Rekindled with what was supposed to be a failed love story
• Still felt lost and confused because everything seems like a blur 

December 2016 - When things started to make a bit more sense to me

• I started this new "job". Truth is, I didn't even care what the job was or how much it paid. I just wanted a new life - meaning a new place, a new city, a new job, with new people - starting completely from scratch
• My work "family" welcomed me and I started to see what it was like working in this industry
• Met some nice people and forever grateful for it
• Spent my first Christmas in this new city (with a warmer climate, finally)

January 2017 - A new start

• Adapting is never an easy task, especially when you're trying to start a new life
• Figuring out your future is never easy but sometimes, you just have to
• I still can't picture myself in this job but this is what I asked for. I wanted a change and I got it

February 2017 - A month of learning

• Learned to live on my own in this new city without anyone
• Attended a TV hosting course which I never in my entire life thought I'd ever have the chance to do. Learned the ways of TV hosting and other new things
• Met some nice people who would actually help me with publishing my "novel" and the "book" I'm writing
• Learned to be an independent woman (Destiny's Child ain't got nothing on me)
• Got to participate in various events which I never thought I'd be brave enough to attend

What exactly is the point of me sharing this post with you? 

I want you to know that hard times and tough times don't last forever. I lost all hope for almost 3 months and started to pick up the pieces afterwards. I was crying for almost 2 months and manage to smile after everything. Everyone has problems and tough moments of their own. Be strong and face it. Keep working hard, don't give up even though it feels like giving up is the only option you have at that moment.

I'm not here to tell you life is easy or life is hard. I'm here to tell you that you're a human being and you'll face ups and downs. Sometimes, your downs may take longer than others but nothing lasts forever. Take it from me - a girl who lost everything 6 months ago, to a girl who is starting over and getting a new life.

No matter what you're facing right now, you can do it. Take a look at your life 6 months ago and take a look at where you are now. If you're happy with your progress, I have nothing but happiness for you. If you're unhappy with where you are or your progress, do something about it. I'm with you all the way.

3 Things to Tell Yourself on Your Worst Days

I'm pretty sure I speak for everyone when I say this.

Everyone will experience bad days, some more than others. 


Bad days are inevitable. So, goodluck to those of you who are trying to avoid it. I, however, have tried avoiding bad days and problems, only to find out that running away from them is absolutely pointless (something I learned the hard way).

So, take it from me. It's better to face the storm than to run away from it.

If I'm being completely honest with you, February has been no picnic for me. In fact, I think it's probably one of my worst months yet considering it's only the second month of the year. 28 days seems like 50 days. And here, I thought January would be a terrible month.

But hey, enough complaining. I'm not here to ramble about how terrible my 28 days have been. I'm here to tell you that, looking back now, I'm proud of myself because I braved through everything and faced my worst days ALONE.


So, here are the 3 things I always remind myself on bad days.


1. Nothing lasts forever

Whether it's the good times or bad, nothing will ever last forever, as harsh as that may sound. All you can do is cherish the good moments and face the bad ones with your head held high and know that it won't last forever.


2. Just keep going

When a plane is going through rough winds and turbulence, it doesn't stop just because of bad weather conditions, it goes on until it reaches its destination. And so will you! Because bad days are just like rough winds.


3. Everything will be OK 

Even though it may seem like your whole world is falling apart right now (trust me, I've had my fair share of days like that), truth is, it isn't. It's just a day of things not turning out how you've planned it to be. Stay positive and remind yourself that it's going to be OK.





Remember, it's not the end of the world. Keep fighting and don't you ever give up! These are the things you should do everyday: count your blessings, let go of what you can't control, just breathe. 

HITTING QUARTER LIFE CRISIS

"It is perfectly okay and normal to not have your shit together at 25." - Anonymous 

I feel like there are 2 types of people in this world: People who know what they're going to be doing for the rest of their lives once they hit 20, and people who haven't got a single clue about what they want in life when they hit 20.

Good afternoon all you lovely readers


Today's post is going to be about my current life situation. As for the above statement, I feel like I'm the latter one. I've always been the type of person who wants to try as many things as I can as possible. Even at my teenage years, I've always had crazy ideas and wild imaginations about everything around me. Up till today, right this very second, I still have crazy imaginations and interesting ideas. To have a creative mind is a good thing, but I guess the downside to that is that all these imaginations and thoughts will make you question everything in life.

I will be hitting 25 next month and for some reason, it doesn't scare me at all. The only thing that scares me is that I haven't got enough time to do half of the things I've wanted to do before I hit 30. That is probably one of the scariest things ever. But I'm here today to share a few of my thoughts with you and to let you know that you are not alone :)

1. Two Minds

I'm at a phase in life where I just want to go out and explore the world, try new things, have that occasional drink at a pub or a friend's party, and be a complete nutter around close friends. However, I absolutely do not mind staying at home everyday, sitting on the couch with a good book or doing absolutely nothing at all but drink tea and chill.

2. Friends Come and Go

There's a reason why this saying was invented. And after learning it the hard way for multiple times, I've finally come to terms with it. Some people stay, some people go. You will lose old friends and gain new ones. And that's just life. Deal with it. I'm at a certain stage in life where I keep my circle of friends really small. I'm glad to have these people in my life who support and encourage me in everything I do. A few good friends is better than thousands of fake friends. Keep that in mind.

3. People Change..... You Change

Over the years, I've noticed something about myself. Physically, I've changed. But mentally too. All the dreams that I had when I was younger - dreams of becoming a princess (go on, laugh all you want) and all those other crazy, funny dreams and imaginations - they've all changed. But now is also the time to make your dreams happen. And that is what I'm going to start doing. Change. Be a better version of myself. Go after my dreams. Because even though dreams and interests change, that does not mean you can't pursue them.



Let me know if you can relate to this? X

MAKE A CHANGE

"And that is how change happens, one gesture, one person, one moment at a time." - Libba Bray

Routines can be a wonderful thing. Consistency brings comfort, and with comfort comes ease. But it doesn't just stop there. We can become incredibly efficient at completing the task at hand, i.e. cooking a meal, planning a party, putting on make-up, etc. 

But there's ONE tiny thing about routines that I'm not so fond of.

They can easily let our minds drift elsewhere, causing us to daydream most of the times. I've definitely been there. 

Same dance choreographs will make you bored after a while, you get sleepy when it comes to the same yoga classes and poses everyday, you get sick of writing the same assignments every night, etc. And it's just small things like that that make our minds wander. 

Familiarity basically makes us feel that we don't have to think about what we're doing because we're constantly doing the same thing over and over again. I'm going to be honest with you. Sometimes, I have no recollection of my journey on how I've gotten from point A to point B. None whatsoever. Because routines are instilled in our brains. 

Dear readers

Today, take it upon yourself to make a simple change in your day. It doesn't have to be a huge, massive change - it just has to be different. The change itself might not affect your life immensely, but that one small change opens up your heart and mind, along with millions of other possibilities. 

• Part your hair differently for a change
• Go to a new cafe instead of your normal go-to places to eat
• Use your left hand (I'm right-handed) to brush your teeth instead (vice versa)
• Try that new recipe (or try cooking, for that matter)
• Look at the mirror and ask yourself what do you see
• Smile

Just small and simple things like these are a few examples I've been doing recently. It messes with your brain but in a good way because your brain will not have time to drift away and wander off elsewhere. 

Constant change is probably one of the scariest things to most people (myself included) but it is also one the most beautiful things about this life if you can view it the right way. 

Embrace it ...... Fall in love with it X 

SUMMER BUCKET LIST (CHECKED) : LIFE SERIES #2

Even though I am currently living in a hot-climate country, which means I get to have summer all-year-round, I do know that summer is officially over back in the UK and also in the US. I am actually quite sad because Autumn is my favourite season and I'm sure it's a lot of people's favourite season as well :) Just because I get to see the leaves turn from green to orange to brown, I get to experience the change of weather, I get to dress up in fashionable autumn clothing. Just everything really.


Good evening from my side all you lovely people.


Since my "Summer Bucket List" post was such a huge hit, I wanted this 2nd episode of my life series to be about summer and myself. So, I've decided to go through all the things I've listed back in May and check if I've completed my list :D

So, here goes.


1. Wear more dresses [√]

Most of my friends and family know that I'm the type of girl that goes out in a pair of jeans or shorts and a t-shit or a vest. But I actually did wear loads of different dresses over the summer. (Check out the post about my summer dresses in a week post here). I am genuinely proud of myself for doing this.

2. Go for picnics [√]

I feel like I've had quite a few picnics over the summer and I absolutely loved them!

3. Beach [√]

Yes, I don't think I need to list down how many beaches I've been to over the summer. But you can check out my Bali post here and here and also my Krabi post here. I miss being by the beach :(

4. Wear a bikini & feel good about it [√]

Something I never thought I'd be able to do without feeling a teeny bit embarrassed but I rocked it (I think. haha!). I even did a collaboration blog post with ADORE ME about beachwear here.

5. Yoga [√]

6. Eat more fruits [X] 

Although I did do this before I left the UK, I haven't been having fruits as much as I'd like to over here.

7. Hang out more with friends instead of working all day [√]

8. Have deep and meaningful conversations more often [√]

I find that this is very healthy for the brain.

9. Go to the cinema at least 10 times [X]

Unfortunately, I am just too busy to go to the cinemas. Even when I'm back home right now, I can hardly find time to go to the cinema but I have been 3 times here and 4 or 5 times back in the UK over the summer. It's still not 10 times :(

10. Cut down on takeaways [X]

Something really hard to do, unfortunately. It's like asking me not to swear :X

11. Be grateful & proud to have everyone [√]

12. Vlog more [√]

I have actually vlogged over the summer about my trips and what I've been up to. I will upload more videos soon though. You can check out my channel and subscribe here if you want :)

13. Try something new at least twice a month [√]

14. Read a good book. Or two [√]

I've been reading a lot of books over the summer and I think reading might be a new found hobby of mine. I'll be writing a post about my top 3 favourite books soon, so stay tuned for that :)

15. Kiss more [X] 

Well, I can't just randomly run around the streets kissing people, can I? Although, that actually sounds like a challenge I'm willing to accept (haha!)

16. Travel more [√]

17. Love more [√]

18. Spend more time interacting instead of zoning out and daydreaming [√]

Something good I've managed to change about myself over the summer :)

19. Spread more joy and happiness [√]

Well, I make my friends laugh. So, I should hope so.

20. Be more helpful [√]

21. Make at least 2 people smile in a day [√]

22. Write more [√]

23. Meditate in a natural environment [X]

There is absolutely no way to do that here. The sun is scorching hot and the temperature is 35 degree Celcius every single day.

24. Take things easy [X]

Something I'm trying really hard to do but I still can't fully relax when my brain is turned on.

25. Be care-free [√]

It is kind of contradicting but I ticked this box because I learnt to not care what people think of me over the summer. That's what I mean by care-free here (haha!).


I guess I did alright. 19 out of 25. That's pretty good, I reckon.



I hope all of you had a great summer but it's time to welcome Autumn now. Whoop whoop! X

GOODBYE AUGUST!

It's the end of August everyone. 

I, for one, absolutely cannot believe it. Honestly, it feels like time is passing quicker and quicker by the second! And I know I say that a lot, but whenever I close my eyes at night, I could still remember my Bali trip back in June like it was yesterday.

At the beginning of the month, we had the Olympics to look forward to and all of a sudden, it ended. Imagine all the athletes and the Olympians preparing for what could possibly the biggest event of their lives for 4 years and it's all over in a few weeks time.

It literally feels like yesterday that everyone was raving about summer - summer holidays, summer outfits, bikinis, perfect summer bodies, etc., and now, most of the blogs I'm reading are about "Things to Do Before Summer Ends" or "10 Best Summer Outfits in 2016" or "Best Bikini of the Year" or "Best Autumn Outfits You Should Try This Year" or "Say Goodbye to Summer Dresses" etc. I mean, summer is already coming to an end! That's 3 months gone! Honestly, I don't know how I feel about that.

Exciting? 

Terrifying? 

I just don't know. 

But all I can say is, so much have happened in the past couple of months. A very rocky adventure, shall we say. 

I am excited and a bit scared at the same time about what is to come but that's probably the best bit about life, isn't it? The fun and exciting part is not knowing. 

The unknown.

The uncertainty that scares most of us. 

The unpredictable that excites some of us.

I have absolutely no regrets on all the decisions I've made so far. I have enjoyed August thoroughly. I really have. I've been living out of my comfort zone and also doing things that scare the living sh!t out of me. 

Truth be told, I'm enjoying every bit of it :) 

X 

FAVOURITE HOLIDAY OUTFIT

"What do you feel most comfortable in when you're on holiday? What kind of outfit do you like most when you're going on vacation? Do you prefer comfort over looks?" - These are all the sorts of questions that go through my head when I'm packing for a trip.

Good evening my lovely readers

I hope you're all having a good start to the week so far. In other words, I hope Monday is not being to rough on you :)

As most of you would know, I went on a 3-night holiday last week with my friend. I was just looking through some of the pictures I took from holiday and I suddenly had this post in mind.

Holiday is the time when you can dress up, be outrages and crazy with outfits, put on something you've never dared to put on, etc. because no one knows who you are and no one gives a crap about how you look. If I'm being completely honest, this is one of the reasons I absolutely love travelling.

I have been absolutely loving this summer playsuit from New Look. It's airy and it's colourful - enough said. 

It's very chilled, casual, and comfortable. The 3C's :) This playsuit is my most worn outfit from the holiday and it is also my favourite outfit so far.

Thought I'd add a silly pic of myself at the end to make this post more chilled :) 

X 

FAVOURITE POOLSIDE PICTURES

Good evening everyone

I hope you're all having a lovely Sunday so far.

So, I came back from my little getaway just 2 days ago, hence, the absence. But I'm back now and I have some exciting things and stories to share with all of you. But for today's post, I'm going to share a few of my favourite poolside pictures from holiday :)

As most of you would know by now, I absolutely adore beaches. If there is a beach at the place that I'm travelling to, that would be the first on my "to-go" list! However, if there are no beaches whatsoever, pools are the next best thing :)

I just get so relaxed whenever I'm chilling by the pool or having a little dip. I mean, my ideal holiday would be chilling by the pool with a cocktail every now and again whist I'm reading a good book and getting a little tan in my bikini. 

And then, there's the part where I actually get in the pool and swim. I feel like I've rediscovered my love for swimming lately.

For the past couple of days whilst I was on holiday, I've just been chilling by the pool, which is why I've decided to share this post :) I loved every second of it especially because the view from the pool was exceptional!

*all photo credits belong to Eunice and myself*

This is when you know you've found a friend for life - when she is as fabulous as you :D I had such an amazing time! Not only because it was so chilled, but also because I got to meet up with my brother and another one of my closest friends. 

*back to more pictures* 

Happy Sunday everyone! X 

DISCONNECTING FOR 24 HOURS + SUNRISE

Good evening my lovely readers

I'm back again after a short hiatus. I guess I just can't keep away from my blog :)

As most of you may know, I've traveled more than 24 hours to get to my destination now, which is Bali, Indonesia. I think the last time I've visited this place was 13 years ago. Everything has changed. I'm surprised how much this place has developed and evolved.

Anyway, we decided to stay in Ubud, Bali, for a night. We stayed in a villa. And by villa, I mean, complete disconnection from the internet - which also means, no Wi-Fi, no electronic devices, absolutely nothing.

Of course, it doesn't mean sitting around all day doing nothing. 

I thoroughly enjoyed the whole nature part of this trip. I think I really needed that because I've been so caught up with my life that I don't really get to disconnect from the world and disconnect from social media accounts.

I didn't plan anything for this. I just wanted to have a day of total disconnection.

So basically, we just walked around the city (it is a really small city, trust me), explored the city, had some food, went to a local cafe nearby, chilled in the villa, and witnessed a sunrise.

The sunrise was absolutely stunning! Probably one of the most incredible things I've ever seen in my life. 

Here are some of the pictures I managed to take since I woke up pretty early for these. Enjoy :)

I mean, just look at those volcanic mountains. Now, I can officially say I've witnessed a sunrise in one of the most nature-filled country. Or a foreign country :) 

I also think it's nice to switch off for a while and enjoy what's around you. Not too long though because I was reaching for my phone after probably 26 hours :D

Hope everyone had a lovely weekend X