The Truth About My Life Now

Whenever I post something close to my heart, people seem to enjoy it more. So I've decided to write this post today.

Lately, my life has been rather confusing and hectic. I'm at the age where I can't quite figure myself out yet but I'm kind of getting there. I'm at a place where I'm fighting for myself every.single.day. 

I try to act tough everyday because I know I'm strong, but deep down, I'm vulnerable too. The truth is, when you've been strong for too long, you need a break from it. And that's where I am right now. I fight and I fight and I tell myself I can do it. But at the end of the day, my brain, my body, my soul - me - every single part of me is so tired. 

Tired from pretending. Tired from hurting. Tired from thinking. Tired from running away. 

This week has been one of the busiest weeks I've had so far. I've actually forgotten what it feels like to lose track of time. When I realized that today is Friday, my brain just could not fathom it at all. And today was just one of those days where everything just went South. I'm not going to lie, this month, I've had loads of days like that. 

People always see the happy side of me, the smiley side of me, the laughing side of me. That's because I choose to show that side of me. 

The truth is, I need a shoulder to cry on. 

I don't have many friends. I mean, I know lots of people but I can only call a few of them my friends. And all my friends who hold part of my heart are not here with me, which makes it that much more frustrating. 

It suffocates me.

I can't count how many times I've had difficulty breathing just because I need someone to talk to. Someone I can trust. Not someone who'll feed on my sorrow and then use it against me later. 

One thing you should know about me is that I've been betrayed so many times it's not even funny anymore. I find it hard to trust people. I'm open-minded and I'm good at meeting new people, don't get me wrong, and I can talk about almost anything to anyone. From past experiences to dirty jokes. 

However, I find it difficult to talk to people about my problems and share my feelings. That's why I turn to 2 of my best friends whenever I'm having a serious mental breakdown. And the fact that 2 of them are not here with me is just one of the saddest things ever. 

Today, one of my best friends texted me with encouraging and supportive words at the correct time. Like I said, today was one of those days where I'm just not feeling it. I got her text and I suddenly realized that I am a lot stronger than I used to be. I don't need other people to validate me because the truth is, I AM ALREADY DOING MY VERY BEST. 

And as long as I can see that, other people can too. And if they choose not to see it, it's absolutely not my problem. 

So, today, I want to thank absolutely everyone - whether you're my friend or not - who supports me in what I do, who supports my life, who makes me laugh and smile everyday. Thank you so so much. 

I don't take any single one of you for granted. 

:) 

SUNDAY FUNDAY: PHOTOSHOOT + LIFE UPDATE

Photo shooting in my pjs ..... to be exact.

If I'm being completely honest with you, I've always felt a little weird whenever it comes to a photoshoot because I never know how to pose or what facial expressions to give.

But as of late, I've actually found joy in photoshoots. I mean, I actually enjoy it at times. And by this, I don't mean people/professionals taking pictures of me, but me taking pictures of things as well. I guess it's because I've been doing it more often in the past 2 years.

However, if you get to know me, you'll know that I don't really care how I look in pictures. My close friends will describe me as the girl who pulls the weirdest face or the girl who always smiles with her teeth showing when it comes to taking pictures. It's completely true :D I find that those "real" moments and "real" laughs are the ones that I love the most, no matter how horrendous I look.

Anyway, I did another shoot yesterday for an upcoming collaboration and I enjoyed it a lot especially because I was in my pjs and in my own bed.

Life has been hectic lately. I didn't even realize that March is almost gone until I was filling up a form at work today. I mean, I hate the fact that I cannot take a minute to fathom how quickly time flies. And honestly speaking, I am afraid. I'm afraid of closing my eyes and missing a moment. I'm afraid I'm not spending enough time with people I care about.


But other than that, my illness is finally gone and I'm soooo ready for another break.

Hope you guys are enjoying what's left of March because I know I will.

March Goals

1st day of March.




What can I actually say about February? Well, if you've read my previous post, you'll know that February was a horrendous month for me. And to top it all off, I have been ill for almost 2 weeks now.

However, I did achieve all my February Goals and I'm quite proud of myself for that. But it is time to say goodbye and welcome a new month.

So, today, I am of course here to share my March Goals with you.

A motto that I will stick to this month is:

"A life without dreaming is a life without meaning"

Let this be a reminder to all that it is totally OK to dream. Dream BIG! Because as far as I'm concerned, when I dream, that's when life happens :)

For the month of March, my goals are to:


1. Go out more

I'm not even going to lie to you, I'd take watching Netflix and sipping on hot chocolate any day to going out. In February, I went grocery shopping once and stayed home for the rest of the month. So you get the idea.


2. Meet at least 2 new people

And I don't mean random strangers who I will never see again. I want to actually meet new people and be friends with them. This is quite a tough one but I'm going to try.


3. Try new things

As many new things as possible, whether that is trying some kind of outfit I never thought I'd wear, or trying out a new routine. I am going to try to do different things in the next 31 days.


4. Write more

Just because I don't post a lot on here doesn't mean I'm not doing any other writings on the side. But I will, with all my strength and power, post more on here. After all, writing is where I find comfort.


5. Drink more tea

For the past 28 days, I have been substituting soft drinks and pop sodas to peppermint tea and Moroccan mint tea. And I want to stick to this habit because it helps me sleep better at night. I will make it my mission to try as many flavoured tea as possible for the upcoming days.





Keeping track of monthly goals is an easy task. If you haven't created one by now, trust me, it helps. For those of you who have, what are your March goals? :)