Friday, 7 April 2017

What Do You See When You Look In The Mirror?

I've never been the type of person who looks in the mirror and think "I look gorgeous" or "Damn, my hair is on fleek!" or "Wow, I look beautiful today".

In fact, I can't seem to look at myself in the eyes for more than 5 seconds because I'm too busy judging myself and thinking "what's wrong with me?"

You see, in reality, I'm more of a "oh, there's nothing stuck in my teeth" and "I guess I look presentable today" kind of person. And I'm sure some girls out there are like me too. Basically, as long as I can get away looking like a normal person, I'll walk away from the mirror.

Recently, I found myself looking in the mirror more often than usual. It all started in January when one person said "you're not that pretty so don't think you can get away with wearing no make-up" right to my face. And on that same day, another person said "I love how you look good even without make-up".

I came home and took a long, hard look at myself in the mirror. I wanted to know what and who I'm looking at. I wanted my own opinion. Because the truth is, I never really cared about my own opinion. But I wanted to actually think about how I look and what do I think about myself.

Some people have said I look beautiful, which is something I will never fully understand. Some people think I'm fat. Some think I'm cute. Some think I'm tall. Some think I'm not tall enough. There are all sorts of perceptions about me.


Let me tell you.

1. I see scars and imperfections

I don't have a perfect life. No one does. We all have our own scars. We can either move on or be stuck in the past forever. And I will always choose moving on over anything else. But I know that the scars and imperfections will always be there - physically and mentally.

2. I see someone I don't quite understand

I see a girl who's confused and I also see a girl who's trying to understand who she is. But I know one day, I will be able to say to myself "I know who I'm supposed to be now".

3. I see determination 

I see a girl who's trying her very best to go after what she truly wants in life. I see someone who is passionate. I see someone who is trying to chase happiness and her dreams. And I see a girl who will never ever give up.

4. I see doubts and question marks 

"How did I get here?", "Why am I not as good as others?", "Will I ever be good enough?" Although I see these questions written all over my face, I know I will never be able to satisfy everyone. As long as I'm ok with myself, then everything is fine.

Truth is, I know one day, I will be able to look in the mirror and say to myself "There's absolutely nothing wrong with me. I'm perfectly fine."