Again, I do not like the word adulting at all. Yet still, I find many of us using it more often these days - me, included.
The last time I wrote about this, many people emailed me and told me that they could relate.
I wrote in my previous post: one thing I would like to do this month is to look back at the year and count my blessings. Hence, this post.
You see, in life, no matter how much you love someone, you can't have them forever. Only the after life would tell if you will have forever with them (if you even believe in the after life). No matter how much you care for people, they will eventually leave because here's the harsh truth: everyone leaves, people change, nothing lasts, life goes on.
Here's my sad truth:
I don't have many friends in general (absolutely everyone knows this and that's not even the sad part). It's not that I hate making friends or meeting new people. It's just difficult to find someone who you can be your total self in front of and for people not to judge you and for them to feel the exact same way when they show you their true colours. For some weird reason, I am the one to normally get judged. I'm hardly the one who judge people because I kind of believe people are the way they are for a reason and nobody is perfect. That has always been instilled in my brain. So, no issues there.
This year, I've lost many many people. Not as in losing them to death or anything like that. Some losses are my decisions, some aren't.
You see, as you mature, you see more, you experience more, you get hurt more, you do more, you basically "adult" more. You start to learn that people use people to get what they want. You start losing trust in people. You start being more cautious to who you talk to. And that's exactly why I don't have many friends. I'm not even ashamed to say that. In fact, some strangers I meet online sometimes turn out to be better people than people I know in real life. That's just a fact. No arguing there.
This year, I've been betrayed by one of my ex-colleagues whom I thought was my good friend. This year, 3 of my closest friends moved away to different countries. This year, I found out that 1 of my good friends was actually toxic. This year, I've been hurt by 2 people whom I loved.
It's crazy. I'm not even going to lie. 2018 = crazy. But here I am. I cut toxic people out of my life. I really do not need negative people in my life because everything around me is already crazy enough. The world is crazy enough for me.
It was a difficult pill to swallow because I've always been the person who puts people first - close friends, especially.
It was a complete shock to the system when I was left almost alone back in September. I went into a short phase of depression but I want to thank my parents for hearing me and my problems out (thanks mom). I slowly learned to be comfortable with my own company. I slowly became happy without relying on friends and people. And I've been stronger ever since.
Like I said, adulting is no easy task. In fact, it's a complete bitch. But that's the beauty of it. You learn, you fall, you get back up, you live. Your life is like the rate of your heartbeat - up and down. If it's a flat heartbeat you have, then you're obviously dead. [Note: Nothing is ever as bad as it seems!]
So, if you have a few close people who you can talk to and accept you for who you are, keep those people. You won't regret it. I promise.
