Friday, 28 July 2017

The Difference Between Being Alone and Being Lonely

In one of my previous posts, I mentioned that I was going to update you on what's been going on as of late. Well, here it is.

Now, before I actually start, here's something you need to know about me. A very honest statement that I'm going to make right now.

No matter how a person reacts or treat others or how they look like, I always choose to see the best in people. No matter what. 

And I know that's something that will end up hurting or killing me in this dog eat dog world. But it's a trait I don't see myself ever changing. If you guys really know the amount of times I've been hurt, betrayed, lied to, cheated on....etc..., I'm sure you'll ask me:"Then why the hell are you still choosing to see the best in people?"

Even my parents, my family, my closest friends only have some idea of what I've been through. But anyway, I'm not here to talk about that.

Part of the reason behind this post is because I met a guy 4 months ago - or probably even more. For the sake of this post, let's just call him X.

Now, here's a brief description of X.

  • mid-40's / 50's 
  • no kids
  • no wife (or probably divorced)
  • no commitment - I mean, he could disappear tomorrow and no one would care
  • sweet talker
  • confident (sometimes comes off as arrogant) 
  • businessman attitude - that's basically how he portrays himself.

From the moment I met him, I knew straight away that I couldn't trust him. Don't get me wrong. He made me feel really comfortable around him at first. But much like me, he's got issues of his own. I mean, every single one on this planet has got issues of their own - trust issues, commitment issues, anxiety.....etc..

Now, I'm not saying I'm an expert at reading people or that I have some kind of sixth sense, nor am I judging the man because let's face it, I am FAR from perfect and I don't deserve to judge people!

Anyway, X seemed like the kind of person who is lonely - which I completely understand. At his age, unmarried, no kids, absolutely nothing to go home to. He has nothing, basically. And don't get me wrong. I've met people like him - I mean, I've met loads of people in my walk of life. 

People are always saying that there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. I've only come to really see lately that there really is a huge difference. And there's nothing wrong at all with either of them. 

See, I'm mostly alone - I admit. 

My parents are living in different cities (countries), my closest friends are living far from me, my relatives are nowhere near me. You get the picture. I do have some good friends here but come on, they have lives of their own too. 

But here's the thing - I'm completely OK with being alone. I don't feel pressured. I don't feel weird when I eat alone or work alone or even go to the movies alone, for that matter. Yes, I know people may have opinions but I don't give two shits, honestly. 

And to be very frank with you, I enjoy doing things alone. I like how I don't need to have small arguments or talk about work or show my feelings to people (yeah, that's just me ok?). However, that doesn't mean that I don't enjoy good company because I really do. I love when I can have deep, meaningful conversations with people whom I click with and people whom I trust. For example, I don't need to explain myself much - and that's a really nice feeling! Hands up if you know what I'm talking about :) 

*Back to the point* 

X tells me he loves 3 women and how he's spending time with all of them. I can't help but feel sorry for the man. He is so lonely that he attaches himself to multiple women to get attention, to get happiness, to be loved by different women. When one woman is busy, he looks for the next. I would understand if these women are his friends but they're not. He has to hide everything he's doing when he's with one of the women. If that's not lonely, I don't know what is. I couldn't imagine living such a tiresome life every single day. 

After knowing a few sides of him, I realized that everyone acts out the way they do for a reason. A person could be taking out his/her anger on you because he/she had a rough morning - and that is not ok but just know that people act the way they do for a reason. 

And while me and X are not really that close, he did open my eyes to see the difference. 

When you're alone, you learn to enjoy your own company, you learn to have fun without being attached, you learn to be independent, you learn new things everyday. You're OK with everything - stress, love, work - you deal with them by yourself and you're completely fine with it. 

When you're lonely, you don't enjoy being alone, you crave attention, you desire someone to be with you (it's totally OK if it's one person, I understand - so does everyone else - but to desire multiple people at once - that's just plain lonely). You don't want to do things alone. You can't stand the thought of being alone. 

Like I said, this is probably just my opinion. The main point is that there is a HUGE difference between being alone and being lonely. And I hope you know how to tell the difference. 

My mind has been preoccupied with this the whole month because I want to try to understand people like X. I want to know that there are good people in this world. And listen, when you find a gem, you better hold on to that.