The Sad Truth About Adulting: Losing People

Again, I do not like the word adulting at all. Yet still, I find many of us using it more often these days - me, included. 

The last time I wrote about this, many people emailed me and told me that they could relate.


I wrote in my previous post: one thing I would like to do this month is to look back at the year and count my blessings. Hence, this post.

You see, in life, no matter how much you love someone, you can't have them forever. Only the after life would tell if you will have forever with them (if you even believe in the after life). No matter how much you care for people, they will eventually leave because here's the harsh truth: everyone leaves, people change, nothing lasts, life goes on.


Here's my sad truth:

I don't have many friends in general (absolutely everyone knows this and that's not even the sad part). It's not that I hate making friends or meeting new people. It's just difficult to find someone who you can be your total self in front of and for people not to judge you and for them to feel the exact same way when they show you their true colours. For some weird reason, I am the one to normally get judged. I'm hardly the one who judge people because I kind of believe people are the way they are for a reason and nobody is perfect. That has always been instilled in my brain. So, no issues there.


This year, I've lost many many people. Not as in losing them to death or anything like that. Some losses are my decisions, some aren't.

You see, as you mature, you see more, you experience more, you get hurt more, you do more, you basically "adult" more. You start to learn that people use people to get what they want. You start losing trust in people. You start being more cautious to who you talk to. And that's exactly why I don't have many friends. I'm not even ashamed to say that. In fact, some strangers I meet online sometimes turn out to be better people than people I know in real life. That's just a fact. No arguing there. 

This year, I've been betrayed by one of my ex-colleagues whom I thought was my good friend. This year, 3 of my closest friends moved away to different countries. This year, I found out that 1 of my good friends was actually toxic. This year, I've been hurt by 2 people whom I loved.

It's crazy. I'm not even going to lie. 2018 = crazy. But here I am. I cut toxic people out of my life. I really do not need negative people in my life because everything around me is already crazy enough. The world is crazy enough for me.

It was a difficult pill to swallow because I've always been the person who puts people first - close friends, especially.

It was a complete shock to the system when I was left almost alone back in September. I went into a short phase of depression but I want to thank my parents for hearing me and my problems out (thanks mom). I slowly learned to be comfortable with my own company. I slowly became happy without relying on friends and people. And I've been stronger ever since.


Like I said, adulting is no easy task. In fact, it's a complete bitch. But that's the beauty of it. You learn, you fall, you get back up, you live. Your life is like the rate of your heartbeat - up and down. If it's a flat heartbeat you have, then you're obviously dead. [Note: Nothing is ever as bad as it seems!] 


So, if you have a few close people who you can talk to and accept you for who you are, keep those people. You won't regret it. I promise.

The Sad Truth About Adulting: Friends

Adulting. Is that even a word? 


I'm pretty sure someone somewhere created that word.


But the thing is, we can all relate to that word and the meaning behind it, so yes, I think that is a word which has yet to be included in the Oxford Dictionary.

2 weeks ago, one of my very good friends said something to me which hit me really hard. Now, this friend. Well, we practically grew up together. I would say I've known her since I was about 6 or 7. We have always been close until I turned 20. She furthered her studies and I went to the UK after that. We had an argument which I can't even remember now and decided not to speak to each other anymore. That is until last year, when I came back from UK and moved to Kuala Lumpur. So, that's about 6 years of not talking to each other.


Last July, I met her at an event and I was actually quite nervous. I didn't know whether she would feel the awkwardness between us or whether there's any bad blood or tension between the both of us. To my surprise, she came over and gave me a hug and of course, I hugged back because I really did miss her. Throughout those 6 years of not speaking, I honestly thought I'd lost her as a friend forever.


We meet regularly on Sundays for church. That is unless I have somewhere to be or if I have work or if I'm on vacation. We went out a few times last December and just 2 or 3 times this year. It is now June. And 2 weeks ago, she said to me "Wow. It's been almost a year since we started talking to each other again but we've only gone out for about 5 times. What's up with that? Is this it? Our friendship?"


That actually hit me really hard because I've known her for such a long time and we've been through so much together yet she's right. We haven't hung out often since last July.

Here's my sad truth: 

I absolutely love her to bits and I miss our times together. I wish everything could go back to when I was 15 but sadly, that can't be done.

I want to hang out with her more but work gets in the way. And it absolutely sucks because I have to choose between friendship and work. I know a lot of people go through this. And when it comes to weekends, all you want to do is spend some time alone - catching up on Netflix, reading, going on trips. And when it's week nights, I do want to hang out with her but I have other clients to attend to. So, where does that leave me?

I know I need to organize my time better and sort out my priorities and what matters most to me. But I do know that I need to make more time for friends.



Adulting is no easy task. You hardly see your friends because of work or other activities. Things you used to do when you were younger are abandoned. Life gets in the way. But if your friends understand, then you'll have no problem at all. Lucky for me, she understands. And I'm thankful for that.

I still feel bad but I've decided to clear my schedule to go out with her more often. Until then, ciao.

Do you guys have this problem? What do you do about it? Let me know

x

The Bittersweet Facts of Living Away From Friends and Family

Study hard, get good grades, graduate, get a good job, get married, start a family, grow old. I think it's safe to say that most of us have been taught from young that this is how life is going to be, that these are the stages of life that one has to go through. I, myself, included. 


Well, it's been almost a year since I moved to my capitol city.


It's not something that has been planned. It's not some kind of carefully constructed "next stage" I had in my head. It's more like a "spur of the moment" kind of decision which was based on the fact that I got my first job (which is my current job as a radio announcer) in my own country.

You see. I grew up in a small town in another state. After 21 years of being in my hometown, I "sort of" moved abroad to the UK for about 4 years. So, basically, these are the only two places I've been for the entirety of my 25 years of existence.


So, as you can imagine, all of my closest friends are no where near me. My family lives in a different state. Although I do have my brother staying in the capitol too, we both live in different areas and have different jobs that we are busy with.


If you haven't already seen from my previous posts, I mentioned that I was in the UK quite recently. This time around, the facts hit me pretty hard. My loved ones are scattered all over the world. Families that I love are in Australia, my closest friends - people that I've known for ages - are in UK, my best friends are back in my hometown.

I'm not saying I haven't made any friends whilst living here, because believe you me, there are a few people that I would literally give up my limbs for, but I suddenly found myself on my own a lot - without people to do my favourite activities with. I basically lost my support network.


Obviously, they still exist in WhatsApp and Facebook, but they're just not there on days when the world seems like a dark place. And honestly, that f*cking sucks. 


But I guess that's what adulting is? You move away from the people that you love. A lot of times, we think that career and education come first but in fact, I think that people and the experiences and moments with those people are the very thing that make our lives matter, that give us purpose, that make life worth living.

Recently, I've realized a couple of bittersweet facts about my living away from friends and family, partly because I'm about to move into a new apartment.


1. I tend to say yes to meeting my close friends when they fly over for a visit. If I was still either living in the UK or my hometown, I would have easily blown them off and gave some kind of lame ass excuse. 



2. Meeting my brother and my parents tend to be more special. Like I said, even though my brother and I live in the same city, we don't see each other often. But when we do, I tend to cherish those moments a lot more than before. 



3. I tend to appreciate pictures more than before. Selfies with uncles, pictures with loved ones - in fact, I'm totally going to put up pictures in my new apartment. 

Whilst there are days when I wish there was some kind of teleportation device so I could be reunited with my support network instantly, I know that the distance has made us appreciate each other on a level that I never thought existed.



Life is short. Make it count. Love the people who treat you right and forget about the ones that don't. Believe that everything happens for a reason.

How do you cope with living away from friends and family? Let me know in the comments :)