The first half of 2019 has definitely been better than the whole of 2018.
*Disclaimer: It's going to be a lengthy post, so if you don't have the time to read or if you're not interested, kindly press the "x" button on the top right of your screen or close the tab.
I know in some of my previous posts, I said I wanted to share what I've been through and why I was feeling all those things at the time. Well, let me just "quickly" summarize it for all of you. It will explain why I stopped blogging, why I stopped sharing, and why I went MIA for a while.
Let's start from last year. I asked 4 of my closest friends at the start of the year what their New Year's Resolutions were. 1 said she wanted to quit her job and move to another city to start a new job. 2 said she wanted to start hosting shows on TV again. 3 said she wanted to quit her job and settle down. 4 said she wanted to try out a holiday working-visa thing overseas.
Last September (2018), 1 moved to another city to start her job, 2 started hosting TV shows again, 3 got married and moved to another country, 4 got her working-visa approved and went overseas. I basically lost 4 of my closest friends in one damn month. They all got what they wanted while I was stagnant, not moving, not going anywhere, not progressing. NOTHING! I was nothing! I felt like NOTHING! I was shit. I was worse than shit.
Last October (2018), 2 people whom I thought were my friends betrayed me. Both have their own issues. Both were not good for me or my health. Both were selfish. So, I made the decision to not spend too much time with them. So, in a span of 2 months, I had lost 6 people who were close to me. And I felt like my life was going no where. No motivation, no goals, constantly comparing myself to others, always thinking I'm not good enough, always thinking no one truly understands me... you name it.
On the first day of January (2019), I decided to not let whatever happened last year affect what I want to do this year. Surely enough, I started picking myself back up with the help of some NEW friends and the help of my family members. Lots of talking, lots of seeing people for help, lots of meditating.
My "new" life started in May. I've been trying new things, I've been seeing new things, I've been setting a new mindset for everything.
Last month (June 2019), I got to meet the 4 of my closest friends (yes, the ones I mentioned above) and I got to have some deep and meaningful conversations with them. 1 is getting used to the new life over there but she's doing really well. 2 is struggling a bit (I mean, seriously, who isn't struggling?) but she's doing really well too. 3 is now pregnant and doing well. 4 is on vacation right now and she's doing good. I really am proud of all my friends.
But you know what's funny? As they were telling me how their lives were, yes, I felt super proud of them but I would never want to trade anything. And I realized some things too.
1. I grew so much since last October
2. I have nothing to complain about. Sure, life throws me lemon once in a while but I make damn good lemonades
3. I was wasting my time comparing myself to them and to whatever I thought success was at the time
4. I don't want to have the life that they have
5. I learned how to walk in my own lane
6. All you need in your life is a few good and genuine people and you're set
7. Your future is always brighter than your past
8. Shit happens in life, move on
9. If you've worked hard, remind yourself that and reward yourself
10. Having deep and meaningful conversations is just as good as therapy
11. Nothing is ever as bad as it seems
So, if you're struggling right now, I promise you, I swear to you, it won't last. I was buried under 20 mega tonnes of shit last year and managed to get out of all that. So, just go through it because it will pass and you will be better. Just keep making amazing lemonades on the way and enjoy it.
And if ever you feel like comparing yourself to someone, compare the you right now to the you last year. You will see how far you've come. I promise you.
Here's to another adventurous, weird, fun, different, crazy, wild, challenging, _____ (insert whatever words you want) second half of the year! Cheers!
x
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